So, I accidentally outed myself as HIV Positive on Facebook.

So I accidentally outed myself as HIV Positive. I was responding to a moving article in the Gay Star News about those of us who survived the epidemic back in the 80s.  http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/survivors-1980s-aids-crisis-reveal-what-happened-them020215? .  The article was moving, I clicked to comment about my own experience and before I knew it, the article and my comment about sero-converting in 1988 was posted to my Facebook page. Initially I was ashamed.  An hour had passed before I noticed what I had done. I figured, well, it's out there, I wasn't secretive about it when I initially found out at 19, but at the time I was told I would have "at best three years" and to "get my affairs in order." So I really didn't see the point about being secretive. Now I can't imagine what affairs a 19 year-old would have to "get in order." but I didn't die and that was a great disappointment. I had envisioned the maudlin tragedy of a young emaciated man being wheeled off some podium after receiving a diploma and quietly dying 20 minutes later. Instead I am far from emaciated and far from that 19 year old boy that received that diagnosis. 

So after my "accidental outing" I really did have to sit back and think about this journey. How I live in the city that has the highest infection rate in the U.S. and the real apathy around the issue.  I will be honest, HIV infection to me, at this time in my life, is no big deal.  I know that sounds terrible. That I should be suffering a gigantic emotional cost, that my prospects and my dreams should some way be diminished because of my status, it's just not true.  It's simply 3 trips to the doctor a year and two pills a day. That's it. Of course I am an educated, affluent, white(ish) male and I do understand that I have the resources to make my HIV management simple.

That is not to say I haven't paid some price along the way, and that perhaps there are opportunities I didn't take, or worries about illnesses, or just plain "fuck, I'm infected"pity parties. But those I'm sure have been far and few in between. After realizing that I wasn't going to die, hell I didn't even get sick, new treatments came out, I got married, raised a child and my HIV status faded into the background. Many of battles protecting HIV positive individuals in housing and employment were won. Life moved on.

Oh crap, TMI.....

So the article touched me, I wanted to share, inadvertently sharing it with 450 friends on Facebook. The responses were touching, but I feel guilty being commended for being alive. Often times I've been asked by people "how do you live with HIV, how do you go on?"   I always sarcastically answered in my head: "well what's the alternative?"  My usual answer is: "I just do what my doctor tells me." To the many friends on Facebook who shared my "outing", well thanks for thinking about me, I am and always have been very embarrassed about my HIV status because I made a mistake......but hey I was a teenager. Secondly thanks for being friends and some you know a little more about me than I planned to share, but you're my friends and it shouldn't matter.   

The Politics of Defriending (it's not you, it's me, but maybe it's you)

So here we are just weeks away from the Election and I have only defriended ONE person.  Which is amazing for me because I do go through rabid defriending binges at least once or twice a year. However in this political season I'm proud to have only defriended one person for political reasons.

Now I realize that with 350 friends, there are a few Republicans in there, and they would would be loathe to put their party propaganda on my page, and I thank them for not doing so.  However, there is one group of Republicans I have disdain for: Log Cabin ones. 

But it leaves such a bitter after -taste

Sigh, Log Cabin Republicans.....as a gay man I should embrace all the diversity of the rainbow flag: Black, Latino, Asian, gayness in its myriad forms. To the effeminate man who collects Lladro, and the big muscular leather queen, I should embrace you. I should welcome all of my brothers into the big bear hug of gayness. I should be inclusive and tolerant.  I want to think that we all have common cause in our struggle for equality.

Yet alas, I can't feel that way about Log-Cabin Republicans.  Don't get me wrong,  I have no problem with other Republicans. The heterosexual housewife in Houston, the banker, even my real-estate agent are all dyed-in the wool Republicans and embrace many values that I wholeheartedly disagree with.  I find I can be accepting and loving of all of them.  Yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot fully embrace a Gay Republican.

I don't know why, but they just make me feel icky. They spout off about "waiting our turn" for equal rights, or "it's not time yet." Worse they tell me, and use religious language about how wrong gay-marriage is. Really?  These are guys who advocate "acting straight" and "try to fit in."  You know acting straight and fitting in is a form of oppression I don't embrace.  Uncle Tom's Log Cabin if you ask me. 

Then they get all hurt and say "what about your Liberal tolerance? You're supposed to love my gayness." I may be liberal, but I don't have to tolerate assholes gay or non-gay who don't agree with my hope to be an equal citizen someday. Especially assholes who should be embracing myself, my relationship and my family.  There is no evidence whatsoever that gays in the GOP have made a single iota of difference in the anti-gay stance of the Republican party.  To me it seems self-hating. 

Yeah, argue about smaller government,entitlements and less regulations all you want, you can do that as an Independent, Libertarian or even as a Democrat. The anti-gay measures and rhetoric in the Republican party indicate some form of self-shame, Mr. Log Cabin Republican, but also shame of the gay part of me as well. No, I don't think we can be friends and I'm not sorry. 

You know what? I don't have to give a reason, it's my Face Book page. Defriended. 

No Facebook, No Biscayne Hooker Report and the other joys of social media

Last night I was hailed by a long time acquaintance at Publix in Miami Shores.  "Hey I want to read your Biscayne Hooker Reports."  Now granted, I never dreamed that an occasional paragraph about the latest fashions and happenings of the "Women of the Night" in my neighborhood would warrant a "shout out" at my local supermarket, but in a sick way I was pleased.  Lately the Hooker Report has gotten me into a bit of a snit with certain church ladies who have "self selected" themselves out of my life. 

I asked if he was on Facebook, he said "no not really". 

My answer to him: "no Facebook, no Hooker Report."

Of course it got me thinking about social media in general, and to those people who "opt out" of the whole phenomenon.  I am an avid user of social media and I understand it's power. However I never expected to called out in my grocery store about "the hookers!" that are on my Facebook page. Nor did I expect to end a personal friendship in the real world, by my activities in my cyber one. Far more often it's the other way around. 

I think about those people who choose to eschew social media because "they're too busy" or "it seems like a waste of time." They may be concerned about their privacy or some other such foolishness.  These are the people that still send jokes or say "hi" via a very clogged email system.  Worse, they might even call me on the phone for a chat.  If you want to chat with me, just send me a message on Facebook, because like my snail mail, I only check my personal email box a few times a week. Better yet, send me a text. As far as privacy is concerned, what's the point. Marketers know where I live, what I make and where I spend my money. If the government is interested in my doings, I doubt seriously I could do anything about it. 

The beauty of social media is that unlike email, snail mail, or phones is that it's a passive medium, just like TV. You can pick and choose what you want to read, respond to or who to communicate with. If you ignore a posting nothing happens, but there is a social risk when you ignore a call, letter, email or text. For the latter you ignore them at your own peril. However, if you want to read about Jenny's dogs, Mike's political rantings, or Kirk's opinions on street walkers it's all there for you to see, or not. It's like those people back in the 90's who proudly proclaimed that they "didn't have a TV" and couldn't laugh at cultural references like "soup nazi" or "we were on a break" are the same people who don't understand the significance of "honey badgers" (my own animal totem) and "shit abuelas say". Yet at the same time spout their "superiority" for not being on social networking sites. How superior can you be, when social networking is the front line of democracy for Arabs, Chinese and women fighting for their rights?

I mean really, what do you do when you're not social networking? Working? Not even the busiest person can fill a 40 hour work week with just work.  Exercising?  No, I believe those people who are not "into" social networking are doing what we all did online before Facebook: watching porn and shopping. 

To ignore this new phase of human interactivity and endeavor you do so at your own peril. There's old 20th century adage: "the end of the world will be televised", but in this century you'll read about on Facebook first.  So if you're missing the Biscayne Hooker report, send me a friend request......or not. 

Biscayne Boulevard, Facebook, Friends, Prostitutes and Little People

So for the last few years I've been posting something called "Biscayne Hooker Report" on my Facebook page.  They were jokes about the streetwalkers in and around my neighborhood.  I would write posts about what they wore like: "hooker in a jumper", "I'm In Miami Bitch Hoodie".  At least once or twice a month I would describe the latest girls working between 55th street and 79th street.  Granted the posts have been getting fewer and fewer over the last few years as the trade has moved over to NW 2nd Ave.  They were usually descriptions of their outfits but I sometimes would throw in things like "crackie chic" and "gummer girl".  Generally, I would get several LOLs and I figured people could get a taste of the neighborhood I live in. 

So I understand that people use Facebook for a lot of different reasons, such as networking, staying in touch with friends and family, political discourse and entertaining others. I've tried several experiments with Facebook trying to "take it to the next level" or just explore ways to connect with people and tell them that they are important to me, that they have contributed to who I am on some level and figure out ways to honor that.  For example I wrote all 350 friends a Haiku poem(blogpost 12/28/2011).  Because of this, some people warn me: "be careful what you post" and "it will follow you forever."  I find that the "friends" who make these warnings are more than content to read what's on my page, but post very little of themselves on their own. Fine by me. 

Back to the hookers.  So over the years I've considered taking pictures of the hookers in my hood: Long legged Trannie, Hot boy with a silver pail, Badonkadonk, Professional Blond, Girl with pimp who shadows her.  Each time I refrained from photography because of personal safety, proximity and because I thought it would be exploitative.  That is, until I saw her, the small person hooker.  I had two thoughts.....aww poor thing, then it was like, "you go girl." Strutting her sexiness for all to see.  How could I write about a little person hooker and not add a pic? Yes, I knew it was wrong. I knew it was exploitative. Yet, how could I not? The devil made me take that pic and yes, I posted it on this week's Biscayne Hooker Report.  

So you can guess the response...everything from "aw, pobrecita has a club foot" to "you go girl!"  The pic went kind of viral....friends tagging each other on the pic(which would keep it pushing back to the top of my page) 20 then 30 comments, it was a Facebook hit!  Shameful is what it was.  It was base....but hookers are funny.....and let's be honest with ourselves: hooker midgets are even funnier.  

My church lady friend(see blogpost 1/26/11) pointed out what a "cruel insensitive jerk" I was.  I have to agree.  Yet I ask myself, what damage was actually done?   Little miss hooker is out there working 81st in Biscayne right now, like so many other girls. Is the offense because the woman in question is a hooker? Or because we laughed at a little person? What should I do about the hookers? Call the police?(see blogpost; 10/3/2011)  Is it my duty and say, "hey girl sorry you're a hooker, go work on another corner so I don't have to see you." What do I say to her pimp that is ten feet away(and 100 feet away from my front door and new BMW)? No, I use the only defense I have: I laugh and joke about it. I even write about it. I took a picture of it.  It wasn't pretty, but yeah it was funny.....and like many things that make us laugh....it was sad too.