Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Dog Park Confessional

There should be rule that whatever is said at a dog park, stays at a dog park.

First, one must understand that proper names are never exchanged at the dog park. Eveyone is an alias: Scruffy's Dad, Beenie's Mom, Violet's Owner. It is understood that names will not be remembered and that dog park relationships rarely, if ever, go beyond the boundaries of that park.

The bond between man and dog is a uniquely intimate one. Perhaps more intimate than any other. On many occasions your dog is witness to things that you probably wouldn't do in front of another human being, at least not on purpose. For example; my dog insists on sitting on my lap when I'm on the toilet. Often in the throws of passion I have glanced to his doggie bed to see him staring with disgust at our nocturnal activities. In the movie Best In Show, Parker Posey's Wiemaraner had a breakdown witnessing just such an event. My dog even knows what websites I visit.

Given that so much intimacy is shared with our four legged friends its not hard to understand how a simple conversation about fleas can rapidly progress to squeezing anal glands. Next thing you know you're discussing your checking balance and medical history. It's amazing how someone can confess about sleeping with thier dog and ten minutes later you find out they're having an affair with thier boss, who, by the way, was also catergorized as a dog, so it may not seem quite a stretch.

Our culture's conditioned us to need shake and bake intimacy. We seem to a have post-Catholic need to confess to a stranger the wierdness about our lives. At least at the dog park the therapists all have referrals: four legged ones.

Todays Haiku:

Run Spot go catch boy
Bad Dog, Good Dog Come here now
Follow me room to room