Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Politics of Defriending (it's not you, it's me, but maybe it's you)

So here we are just weeks away from the Election and I have only defriended ONE person.  Which is amazing for me because I do go through rabid defriending binges at least once or twice a year. However in this political season I'm proud to have only defriended one person for political reasons.

Now I realize that with 350 friends, there are a few Republicans in there, and they would would be loathe to put their party propaganda on my page, and I thank them for not doing so.  However, there is one group of Republicans I have disdain for: Log Cabin ones. 

But it leaves such a bitter after -taste
Sigh, Log Cabin a gay man I should embrace all the diversity of the rainbow flag: Black, Latino, Asian, gayness in its myriad forms. To the effeminate man who collects Lladro, and the big muscular leather queen, I should embrace you. I should welcome all of my brothers into the big bear hug of gayness. I should be inclusive and tolerant.  I want to think that we all have common cause in our struggle for equality.

Yet alas, I can't feel that way about Log-Cabin Republicans.  Don't get me wrong,  I have no problem with other Republicans. The heterosexual housewife in Houston, the banker, even my real-estate agent are all dyed-in the wool Republicans and embrace many values that I wholeheartedly disagree with.  I find I can be accepting and loving of all of them.  Yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot fully embrace a Gay Republican.

I don't know why, but they just make me feel icky. They spout off about "waiting our turn" for equal rights, or "it's not time yet." Worse they tell me, and use religious language about how wrong gay-marriage is. Really?  These are guys who advocate "acting straight" and "try to fit in."  You know acting straight and fitting in is a form of oppression I don't embrace.  Uncle Tom's Log Cabin if you ask me. 

Then they get all hurt and say "what about your Liberal tolerance? You're supposed to love my gayness." I may be liberal, but I don't have to tolerate assholes gay or non-gay who don't agree with my hope to be an equal citizen someday. Especially assholes who should be embracing myself, my relationship and my family.  There is no evidence whatsoever that gays in the GOP have made a single iota of difference in the anti-gay stance of the Republican party.  To me it seems self-hating. 

Yeah, argue about smaller government,entitlements and less regulations all you want, you can do that as an Independent, Libertarian or even as a Democrat. The anti-gay measures and rhetoric in the Republican party indicate some form of self-shame, Mr. Log Cabin Republican, but also shame of the gay part of me as well. No, I don't think we can be friends and I'm not sorry. 

You know what? I don't have to give a reason, it's my Face Book page. Defriended. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Miami Lesbians.........No Degree of Separation.

Being the gay man about town, some people ask me about what's up for lesbians in Miami. To be honest I have no real idea what lesbians really do. I put down my own observations (based on limited personal experiences). 

"Why did you put her in my lane!?!" the athletic lesbian swimmer said to me, "Don't you know she's my girlfriend's ex!?!" I should have consulted the Miami Lesbian Ex-girlfriend chart before I put two sisters of sappho in the same lane together.    Yes, I should have known, because in Miami there are only about 30 lesbians altogether, maybe there are 50, but I'm sure there are less than 75. Also, at some point they were all girlfriends with one another. No, not "we went out on a few dates," not "yeah, we met at a party and hooked up."  No, a full fledged 3 week relationship that included countless hours on the phone, texting and processing with each other. In each case it ended badly and all that was left was bitterness and "now she's just somebody that I used to know."

I am no expert on the state of sapphic affairs in this urban paradise, but I know a few girls who wear sensible shoes in my town and I think Miami offers a different take on girls who like girls.  It's not quite what you'd expect.  Plus there are some lesbian poseurs in Miami which often fool you into thinking there are more grrrls out there than there really are. So I thought I'd drop a few hints how to separate the women from the womyn. 

1. First, all Miami lesbians know each other. If you want to discreetly find out if a local girl is a lesbian, just drop the name of another lesbian and ask her if she dated her.  Start simple: "Do you know Ingrid or Belkys?" If the answer is "yes" she's a lesbian. 

2. Yoga is a lesbo magnet. More than four classes a week: Lesbian. Unclogging chakras is just a euphemism for cunnilingus.

3. Latina lesbians are fierce, no really they're fierce, they will cut you. Just ask Ingrid from question one.

4. There's a joke in the lesbian community: how many break-ups does it take a lesbian to move on? Answer: move on? we're not done processing yet. 

5. Miami lesbians do not adhere to any particular lesbian uniform outside of the yoga studio.  They are lipstick, I've never seen any Miami lesbian in Birkenstocks or Doc Martens. 

6. The tragedy of the lesbian community in Miami is that there seems to be so few, and most them just blend in with the rest of us.  There doesn't seem to be enough to create a critical mass to maintain a club or gathering place where they can all they're left just dating "somebody that I used to know" that they met at a lesbian pot luck. 

Aquagirl: "who's gonna buy me a drink?"
7. Or girls can wait for the big once a year Aquagirl party week.  Womyn who love women come to Miami  from all over the world once a year for bacchanalia and portable relationships which can be processed via text and cell. You go grrrls!

Mostly lesbians just blend in. In Miami There are no lesbian ghettos, or even areas with a higher concentration of them.  I remember when my husband and I were raising our son in West Dade.  We were surrounded by many Lesbian moms. No one even noticed...but they always remembered the "gay dads".  In suburbia they are just another housefrau doing errands. Which is probably the way they want it.