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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

While the Cat's Away

My hubby has a new job the requires him to travel about six days a week. So I've begun to notice subtle changes in my behavior. I'm seeing new and old habits slowly emerge as I spend more and more time by myself without the companionship of my husband of 15 years.

Before I get into these disturbing changes I would like to point out that for the last few years we've both worked at home. So throughout the day him and my dog have been my constant companions. It's worked out very well for us. Although I picked him for his intellect and sweet demeanor, I think one of the reasons I stay with him because he's the least annoying person on the planet. He's quiet, hardworking and respectful, doesn't waste words and generally respects personal space and has good manners. He only farts in private. I think the last time I heard him break wind was 10 years ago. How could you not love a man like that?

At first when his travel began, I tried to pretend he was around, and kept up the habits I normally do as a couple. I do my morning walks, pick up after myself, make a fancy lunch and dinner and watch the programs the we would watch together on TV. Generally just thinking that although he's in Montevideo or Moscow, in my heart he's in the next room doing whatever he does for his Russian software company that sends him around the world.

Little by little that pretense has gone by the wayside. More and more I find myself doing things that I did before I was married. I've begun to eat over sink again. I know that sounds strange, but why take out a plate that has to be washed? A sandwich tastes just as good eaten over the sink. No dishes or napkins needed and I can wash my hands all at once. No muss on fuss.

I've also noticed my sleep patterns have changed. No more in bed at 11 to get up at 7. Now I find myself in bed at 1AM up at 8 and a nap after work before dinner. Could this be my true sleep pattern? Or do I really like watching infomertials, then reading a good book till my eyes close.

I'm finding I like to clean the house at 11PM, I guess in case I "die before I wake." I don't want anyone to see that the peanut butter is on the counter and that there are dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. I've also found that ants come out at night. (Which I had forgotten since somebody else normally cleans the kitchen.)

I think the most disturbing is my radical change in music. Lately I've gravitated back to classic rock instead the usual disco/pop/80's music I've spent the last 15 years listening to. Led Zeppelin, Rush, Blue Oyster Cult, Rolling Stones.....why did I let you guys go? Lady Gaga what was I thinking? I was listening to the Stones' "Devil" thinking damn, this is some good shit. Which is what used say after inhaling....a habit I haven't returned to, but if I did, who would be around to care?

This extensive traveling is hard on a relationship. For me, who's at home the question is: how do I move forward? Do I just put my life on hold until the hubby comes home? Do I go out and do things with friends but feel guilty for not being able to share that part of my life with him because he's gone. Do I hold off on important decisions till Friday night? Should I start eating off plates again?

So many questions.....