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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Thank you New Yorker person, as a Miamian I live for your validation.

They have arrived to their winter nesting grounds: the ubiquitous New York Snowbirds (Egotisicus analholus). Arriving like most migratory and seasonal birds they appear in your garden one day, singing sweet songs, squawking,  and preening. You smile because you know winter has arrived.  Like all winter fowl you're grateful that they've shared their time in your locale, but you really get tired of them crapping on your head after awhile. 

I understand that New York is the center of the galaxy and that everything done outside of there is quaint and provincial. That me, as a mere local Miamian should rejoice that the New Yorker has cast a glance on my poor rugged outpost in the swamp and said: yes I will visit you, but I will make sure you know of my superiority and that I could have just as well have gone to some other city to make them feel inferior. Alas, it's Miami's turn again to be the "in" place to visit this winter.

Every decade or so, New Yorkers "discover" Miami. When I was young there was the South Beach phenomenon, so popular that New Yorkers renamed it "SoBe" because "South Beach" was apparently too hard to pronounce. I've never heard a local call it "SoBe".  Miami was invaded by fashionistas, models, beautiful people all loving the "exotic feel". Any WASP really knows that the term "exotic" is just another way of saying "I'm tired of sleeping around with white people."

So now, thanks to Art Basel there is a new type of New Yorker here: the hipsters and aritst-types and rich people. Instead of staying on the beach, like all good tourists should, they're combing my neighborhood and clogging up the Starbucks. AND they're complaining that there are no coffeehouses other than Starbucks. I hate to be the one to tell them, but we don't need coffeehouses here because it's nice and warm all year long and curling up on a bed-bug infested sofa is very much a New York thing.

So I guess I should be flattered that the denizens #1 rudest city come down to visit the #2nd rudest city and complain.  Yet I find myself annoyed. I was annoyed because I was given a "look" when I complained about the cold. It was 48degrees and the person in question was getting out of a car with Jersey plates, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I doubt seriously that Snookie or the Situation would be wearing daisy dukes and halter tops in 45 degree weather.....wait....okay...well...somebody with sense would not be wearing such an outfit.

So they're here spending money helping the economy. I begrudgingly say "thanks" as Miamian, but if you New Yorkers don't like it here.....there are plenty of Brazilians tourists who do.