Sunday, January 13, 2013

Gay Wedding Redux

So, when are you really gonna get married?
Ahhh I just went to the most beautiful wedding.  It was two young men getting married after being together for several years.  There was pomp and circumstance. Flowers, food, dancing and love, in fact if it weren't for the two grooms, the wedding could've been conceived by a bunch of giggly 16 year olds and some very smart old ladies for a young bride and groom anywhere and in any era. During the processional the grooms were preceded by adorable flower children and a host of groomsmen and groomswomen all fresh and beautiful in their early 20s.  Rented tuxedoes, lovely gowns graced church's historic apse and all was right with love.....except for me.
I was very excited to attend this "gay" event. The whole church had been invited and there was great anticipation held by all.  I had spent a few days picking out outfits for my HUSBAND and I. When we approached the church the crowd was entering and I said hello to a church friend, she replied: "when are you two going to tie the knot?" 
This woman has known my HUSBAND and me for several years and should have known better. I replied "we are married, we were married in California in a civil ceremony."
Her response: "but that's not a REAL wedding, you know what I mean."
In truth the wedding I was attending was not a "real" wedding in any sense of the word. I mean it carries no legal standing anywhere. It is not recognized by my state or my country. This wedding doesn't confer any of 1,138 privileges guaranteed by the federal government to heterosexual married couples. Two people who know us asked me that question that night.
To the second person who asked, I said the wedding would have a circus theme, everyone would be dressed like clowns and theme song would be "Send in the Clowns". Or something nautical with gay synchronized swimming. Crap, they want a "gay wedding" I sure as hell am going to give it to them.
Yet OUR simple ceremony witnessed by our son, my parent, and close friend, using a bible, which granted our relationship equal status under God and the laws of the Great State of California is not "real".  My HUSBAND and I have fought hard for the right to be equal under the law. We have given thousands of dollars and volunteered hundreds of hours for the hope that our real California marriage will become real and legal for us everywhere.
This idea because we as the LGBT community have not invited you to our wedding, to our "coming out", that you did not witness the birth, growth, and graduations of our children that they didn't happen.   That we lived in one big disco until you befriended us and assigned all the half-truths and ignorance that you believe of us.  Yes, we are married, legally even, we have taken care of each other for almost two decades. Have careers, raised kids.  
My HUSBAND an I are 45.  For the last 17 years we have lived, we have loved, and yes, we are MARRIED!
(fuck you old straight lady)