Monday, June 16, 2008

Is Marriage a De-fabulization of Gay life?

Lets face it: Being gay is fabulous! We work hard at creating environments that are unique. We live in cool neighborhoods with old houses, industrial lofts, and in remodeled factories. We drink cool drinks, wear nice clothes and faithfully go to the gym. We visit fabulous places: Palm Springs, South Beach, Bali, Provincetown, Malibu. And the parties, are just the best. Why would we want to trade in all that in for a Volvo wagon, two kids and a split-level ranch in the 'burbs?

So why? What is the sudden attraction to a ho-hum existence like everyone else? As someone who did trade in the jeep for the station wagon for 12 years, all I can say is that it is great to focus on my fabulousness again. However, after almost 13 years of being with my partner I still find that many people, straight and gay still don't see us as a couple. That somehow the years we've shared, the hard times, the heartbreak and joys don't add up to a "whole." That if you hurt one of us, that you won't be contending with both of us. Far too often we feel that we are not seen as spouses, but as something less, something approaching a marriage, but not quite there. Also internally you doubt whether what you have is on par with what "real" marriages have. In fact I've often encountered gay men who feel somehow that we don't need or deserve the same rights as others. I mentioned to friends that we were going to California to get married and they perplexed by my lack of enthusiasm. I should be "thrilled" said one, and another was really happy for me. Of course, feeling tension I played it down by joking that we would have the reception at Burger King. As if acknowledging this moment in my life would be anticlimactic and somehow as a gay man I am not worthy of that "special day".

So we're going to do it. My mom is coming down, our Son will be there and we'll do it in a simple but romantic way. I guess 13 years together is fabulous enough.

You're all invited.

Today's Hiaku
Something Borrowed
Something Blue, Something New
Gay California Marriage