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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

You Don't Look Like.....

One of the joys of aging in this modern society is that change is inevitable.  We age, our experiences change us and who you look at now, might not be the same person you met five years ago. In fact you might not look like the person people think you are.
 
"Can you pinch an inch?"
Let's just begin with our bodies, we get fat, we get thin, we grow muscles, we get flabby again. I sometimes do this in a week, depending on my mood.  Of course I really mean over time, so like my twenties were yo-yo between fat and thin, but I was definitely "soft" during those years. Thirties were muscles, now my forties I'm more "toned".   But whatever the case, comments like "you don't look like you weigh 200lbs." don't help. I do weigh 200lbs, I have since I was 30. I'm also a 32 inch waist...I was a 36 inch waist in High School.  Notice that I say "I am a 32 inch waist" not "I have a 32 inch waist". Because in America we are our waist size.
 
"You don't look like a diabetic." said the nurse, MD, technician. (translation: You are not fat.)
 
So when my diabetes got out of control (despite regular exercise and a decent diet) I got no sympathy. More than one nurse would say:  "You don't look like a diabetic", "You don't look like you weight 200lbs" "OMG, you're a 32 waist, I don't believe you." The last one was by a store clerk.....she was shocked when the 32 inch 501's made me look hot....bitch....I bought them just to spite her.   So NO, I don't look like a diabetic, I am not some pathetic FAT person.  However, because karma is a bitch she gave me a FAT person's disease.
 
"You don't look Honduran." said the lawyer.

"Tu eres tira flecha!" said the Cuban.
I was serving jury duty and during the void dire (jury selection), the question of whether anybody was Honduran came up. I proudly announced my heritage and birthplace. "But you don't look Honduran."  What, I don't look Mayan? Are all Latinos brown skinned people of indigenous descent? Miss Legally Blond, do you think less of me, why the surprised face and skepticism? Don't just put me in the "white juror" category because of my Anglo first and last name.  Hello, Latinos come in all colors, shapes and forms, even Honduran ones. As a matter of fact I ate a pupusa just last night.
 
 
 
"You don't look 45." say a lot of people younger than 45.
 
I guess in this youth directed culture that is a compliment. I will take it that way. Thanks to the cute 20something waiter that handed me his number the other night, in front of other 20 somethings.  However my youthful, non-botoxed appearance does not deny my experience as a man. I am a parent, I am a professional, I am one HOT DADDY.  I have lived and am not a "boy". 
Tom Ford, hot, mature and "a gay"
 
 
"You don't look like a gay" said the client.
 
Well I'm not sure the use of the article "a" before the word gay is proper usage....because I'm not sure if she had a particular gay in mind.  I mean if she meant Rupaul, no I don't look like "a gay" but if she meant Tom Ford, I'd want to be "a gay."  The fact is I am "a gay" in fact to my friends and family I'd like be THE GAY.  I'd have no problem if my name, like Rupaul's, would be synonymous with gays everywhere.  Things are not what they seem folks.....
 
 
 
"You'd better work....bitch"