Get me the Hook-up NOW! NO FATS, NO FEMS, NO FARM ANIMALS.

So I've been fascinated by the recent backlash against gay social hook-up sites by young plus-size men and men of color.  They bemoan the rudeness of the medium, the racism, the looksist, ageist and demeaning nature of the actual profiles posted in hook-up sites such as GRNDR, SCRUFF and the like. Genuine anger and angst that the perfectly toned, perfectly muscled, perfectly coifed white boy on the hook-up site is not interested in having sex with anyone who is not perfectly muscled, coifed and white as well.

 

First, let's be honest.  You're on a hook up site because you're lazy.  Like buying an item on Amazon.com because you're too lazy to go to the store yourself and buy it.  You want just point and click and by the magic of the internet the man of your dreams is just going to show up at your door. The problem is that the supposed "man of your dreams" spends a lot of time in the gym trying to make himself look awesome to potential sex-mates. He eats healthy, maybe takes steroids, works out and works out and works out. He's aged 23 to 27 and looks awesome.

 

That leads me to my second point.  The biggest whiners have admitted they are "heavy", like Huff Post's Mathew Rodriguez admits to being a "queer Latino man of size." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mathew-rodriguez/is-discrimination-on-grindr-killing-gay-sex_b_4558989.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices     They complain they can't get the gym bunny into bed.  I am sorry, but being overweight says a lot about you. Firstly, it shows you're not into being fit.....unlike the guy in the previous paragraph.  If you want to sleep with the hot men, hot men are usually in shape, you should be too. They know it takes work and dedication and the reward is clear: more sex, more options for mates, higher self-esteem, better job opportunities, get invited to better parties etc. etc. The research is there, trim, fit people get more of everything.   Know the competitive landscape you're in and adapt to it.  You can say "why can't they love me for my personality?"    You want to stay fat and have a hot boyfriend you can do two things: make a lot of money, or be the best at something amazing, like photography or sky diving or competitive math.  Because being a "winner" at something is totally sexy. However, it won't mean shit to the guy on GRNDR though.

 

So here's my third point and possibly a fourth one.  First, I am not sure if personal sexual preferences rise to the level of racism.  I mean yes, it sucks to be a man of color and see "whites only" on lots of personal profiles.  However, that guy who only sleeps with a narrow band of the human race, might be an HR manager that hires people of color every day, its just that his penis just might not subscribe to EEOC rules and regulations.  Studies are also showing that what is put on the internet is a version of our true selves....so if a guy won't sleep with an Asian/Black/Latino and actually writes it down  in his profile....it's highly possible he's a rude jerk.  Also there is no rule in social media hook-up sites requiring hot men to sleep with you just because you sent a "hi" to their profile.  I know in a perfect world male hotness should be as available as a tub of Ben&Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. But it's not gurl, and really at the end of the day, empty sex with a hot man, is just about as satisfying.

 

Finally as any formerly single person interested in hooking-up or getting hitched will tell you....it hard to find the right mate.  Dating is a discouraging and time consuming business.  And you don't get an award just for "showing up". There are winners and losers, there is heartache, but there is joy and fun and friends to be made in the process.  However, thinking that the process will be as easy as sitting on your couch trolling hook-up sites for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, gurl.... you're going to be single and horny for quite awhile.

 

 

You Don't Look Like.....

One of the joys of aging in this modern society is that change is inevitable.  We age, our experiences change us and who you look at now, might not be the same person you met five years ago. In fact you might not look like the person people think you are.

 

"Can you pinch an inch?"

Let's just begin with our bodies, we get fat, we get thin, we grow muscles, we get flabby again. I sometimes do this in a week, depending on my mood.  Of course I really mean over time, so like my twenties were yo-yo between fat and thin, but I was definitely "soft" during those years. Thirties were muscles, now my forties I'm more "toned".   But whatever the case, comments like "you don't look like you weigh 200lbs." don't help. I do weigh 200lbs, I have since I was 30. I'm also a 32 inch waist...I was a 36 inch waist in High School.  Notice that I say "I am a 32 inch waist" not "I have a 32 inch waist". Because in America we are our waist size.

 

"You don't look like a diabetic." said the nurse, MD, technician. (translation: You are not fat.)

 

So when my diabetes got out of control (despite regular exercise and a decent diet) I got no sympathy. More than one nurse would say:  "You don't look like a diabetic", "You don't look like you weight 200lbs" "OMG, you're a 32 waist, I don't believe you." The last one was by a store clerk.....she was shocked when the 32 inch 501's made me look hot....bitch....I bought them just to spite her.   So NO, I don't look like a diabetic, I am not some pathetic FAT person.  However, because karma is a bitch she gave me a FAT person's disease.

 

"You don't look Honduran." said the lawyer.



"Tu eres tira flecha!" said the Cuban.

I was serving jury duty and during the void dire (jury selection), the question of whether anybody was Honduran came up. I proudly announced my heritage and birthplace. "But you don't look Honduran."  What, I don't look Mayan? Are all Latinos brown skinned people of indigenous descent? Miss Legally Blond, do you think less of me, why the surprised face and skepticism? Don't just put me in the "white juror" category because of my Anglo first and last name.  Hello, Latinos come in all colors, shapes and forms, even Honduran ones. As a matter of fact I ate a pupusa just last night.

 

 

 

"You don't look 45." say a lot of people younger than 45.

 

I guess in this youth directed culture that is a compliment. I will take it that way. Thanks to the cute 20something waiter that handed me his number the other night, in front of other 20 somethings.  However my youthful, non-botoxed appearance does not deny my experience as a man. I am a parent, I am a professional, I am one HOT DADDY.  I have lived and am not a "boy". 

Tom Ford, hot, mature and "a gay"

 

 

"You don't look like a gay" said the client.

 

Well I'm not sure the use of the article "a" before the word gay is proper usage....because I'm not sure if she had a particular gay in mind.  I mean if she meant Rupaul, no I don't look like "a gay" but if she meant Tom Ford, I'd want to be "a gay."  The fact is I am "a gay" in fact to my friends and family I'd like be THE GAY.  I'd have no problem if my name, like Rupaul's, would be synonymous with gays everywhere.  Things are not what they seem folks.....

 

 

 

"You'd better work....bitch"