State of Gayness in 2014

Based on personal experience, gay men execute weddings flawlessly. 

Well, it's time we look at the year in review and see what gayness 2014 looks like.  Pivotal changes that redefines gaydom as we know it. 

1. Gay Marriage: Well, many states, 25 to be exact, legalized gay marriage following the heels of the Supreme court decision. In total 35 states now allow for gays and lesbians the freedom to marry any person they choose.  Still there are 15 states to go. 

Yes, this is a "thing".

2. "Peak Beard" for straight men and gay men, 2014 was the year of "peak beard".  Facial hair has been exalted and hirsute men can rejoice.  A complete pendulum swing from shaven, boy look of the past and the future. 

"Excuse me, where is the restroom?"

3. Freedom to Gender Express yourself. Be a girl on the inside, be a boy on the outside or any combination thereof.  Gender Expression is now protected under the Miami-Dade Human Rights Ordinance. Despite the whole icky "bathroom rape" scenarios brought on by the religious right. I've used the ladies room plenty of times when the men's room was locked.

80's much?

4. "Shaven Pompadour" or the "reverse mullet" the new gay clone look for 2014.  The mullet is short on the sides, long on the top and back, The shaven pompadour is short on the sides and long on the top and in the front. Important to have one lock covering one's eye. Product is a must. 

5. Cross fit. Cult of fitness? I won't say too much about this, but it looks like a conspiracy between personal trainers, chiropractors and Lulu Lemon to make a LOT of money doing amazingly unsafe calisthenics. Not denying it works....especially if you believe that beauty is attained through pain and danger. Combined with power protein concoctions you're gonna look and feel great.

6. Ambiguously gay, gay ambiguity reigns in the millennial crowd. "Straight
Acting" to the front of the line please. No Fats, or Fems still a favorite GRNDR byline, especially among bottoms....self-hate much?

7. Truvada Whores.  Of course if you take a pill to prevent HIV.....you are a whore. If you wear a condom you are a.....saint?  Sex shamers demand to control your sex life, want to take away personal choices for preventing HIV.....for fear you might enjoy sex "guilt free".  What's wrong with a little condomless guilt free sex? Well, it could be like the 70's all over again....whores in bell bottoms? Well that would be bad, wouldn't it?

8. Gay Cruising....on the ship kind of cruising, not the Al Pacino "Cruising".   Whether you're doing the "SS Bathouse", "Loveboat" or with your aging mother
on Celebrity Cruises. Cruising(on ships) has taken the gays by storm. Even if you go on a "straight" cruise, there's always a "Friends of Dorothy" happy hour.  You can always find the gays at the martini bar or sauna if you don't know where to look. 

How romantic?

Get me the Hook-up NOW! NO FATS, NO FEMS, NO FARM ANIMALS.

So I've been fascinated by the recent backlash against gay social hook-up sites by young plus-size men and men of color.  They bemoan the rudeness of the medium, the racism, the looksist, ageist and demeaning nature of the actual profiles posted in hook-up sites such as GRNDR, SCRUFF and the like. Genuine anger and angst that the perfectly toned, perfectly muscled, perfectly coifed white boy on the hook-up site is not interested in having sex with anyone who is not perfectly muscled, coifed and white as well.

 

First, let's be honest.  You're on a hook up site because you're lazy.  Like buying an item on Amazon.com because you're too lazy to go to the store yourself and buy it.  You want just point and click and by the magic of the internet the man of your dreams is just going to show up at your door. The problem is that the supposed "man of your dreams" spends a lot of time in the gym trying to make himself look awesome to potential sex-mates. He eats healthy, maybe takes steroids, works out and works out and works out. He's aged 23 to 27 and looks awesome.

 

That leads me to my second point.  The biggest whiners have admitted they are "heavy", like Huff Post's Mathew Rodriguez admits to being a "queer Latino man of size." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mathew-rodriguez/is-discrimination-on-grindr-killing-gay-sex_b_4558989.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices     They complain they can't get the gym bunny into bed.  I am sorry, but being overweight says a lot about you. Firstly, it shows you're not into being fit.....unlike the guy in the previous paragraph.  If you want to sleep with the hot men, hot men are usually in shape, you should be too. They know it takes work and dedication and the reward is clear: more sex, more options for mates, higher self-esteem, better job opportunities, get invited to better parties etc. etc. The research is there, trim, fit people get more of everything.   Know the competitive landscape you're in and adapt to it.  You can say "why can't they love me for my personality?"    You want to stay fat and have a hot boyfriend you can do two things: make a lot of money, or be the best at something amazing, like photography or sky diving or competitive math.  Because being a "winner" at something is totally sexy. However, it won't mean shit to the guy on GRNDR though.

 

So here's my third point and possibly a fourth one.  First, I am not sure if personal sexual preferences rise to the level of racism.  I mean yes, it sucks to be a man of color and see "whites only" on lots of personal profiles.  However, that guy who only sleeps with a narrow band of the human race, might be an HR manager that hires people of color every day, its just that his penis just might not subscribe to EEOC rules and regulations.  Studies are also showing that what is put on the internet is a version of our true selves....so if a guy won't sleep with an Asian/Black/Latino and actually writes it down  in his profile....it's highly possible he's a rude jerk.  Also there is no rule in social media hook-up sites requiring hot men to sleep with you just because you sent a "hi" to their profile.  I know in a perfect world male hotness should be as available as a tub of Ben&Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. But it's not gurl, and really at the end of the day, empty sex with a hot man, is just about as satisfying.

 

Finally as any formerly single person interested in hooking-up or getting hitched will tell you....it hard to find the right mate.  Dating is a discouraging and time consuming business.  And you don't get an award just for "showing up". There are winners and losers, there is heartache, but there is joy and fun and friends to be made in the process.  However, thinking that the process will be as easy as sitting on your couch trolling hook-up sites for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, gurl.... you're going to be single and horny for quite awhile.