State of Gayness in 2014

Based on personal experience, gay men execute weddings flawlessly. 

Well, it's time we look at the year in review and see what gayness 2014 looks like.  Pivotal changes that redefines gaydom as we know it. 

1. Gay Marriage: Well, many states, 25 to be exact, legalized gay marriage following the heels of the Supreme court decision. In total 35 states now allow for gays and lesbians the freedom to marry any person they choose.  Still there are 15 states to go. 

Yes, this is a "thing".

2. "Peak Beard" for straight men and gay men, 2014 was the year of "peak beard".  Facial hair has been exalted and hirsute men can rejoice.  A complete pendulum swing from shaven, boy look of the past and the future. 

"Excuse me, where is the restroom?"

3. Freedom to Gender Express yourself. Be a girl on the inside, be a boy on the outside or any combination thereof.  Gender Expression is now protected under the Miami-Dade Human Rights Ordinance. Despite the whole icky "bathroom rape" scenarios brought on by the religious right. I've used the ladies room plenty of times when the men's room was locked.

80's much?

4. "Shaven Pompadour" or the "reverse mullet" the new gay clone look for 2014.  The mullet is short on the sides, long on the top and back, The shaven pompadour is short on the sides and long on the top and in the front. Important to have one lock covering one's eye. Product is a must. 

5. Cross fit. Cult of fitness? I won't say too much about this, but it looks like a conspiracy between personal trainers, chiropractors and Lulu Lemon to make a LOT of money doing amazingly unsafe calisthenics. Not denying it works....especially if you believe that beauty is attained through pain and danger. Combined with power protein concoctions you're gonna look and feel great.

6. Ambiguously gay, gay ambiguity reigns in the millennial crowd. "Straight
Acting" to the front of the line please. No Fats, or Fems still a favorite GRNDR byline, especially among bottoms....self-hate much?

7. Truvada Whores.  Of course if you take a pill to prevent HIV.....you are a whore. If you wear a condom you are a.....saint?  Sex shamers demand to control your sex life, want to take away personal choices for preventing HIV.....for fear you might enjoy sex "guilt free".  What's wrong with a little condomless guilt free sex? Well, it could be like the 70's all over again....whores in bell bottoms? Well that would be bad, wouldn't it?

8. Gay Cruising....on the ship kind of cruising, not the Al Pacino "Cruising".   Whether you're doing the "SS Bathouse", "Loveboat" or with your aging mother
on Celebrity Cruises. Cruising(on ships) has taken the gays by storm. Even if you go on a "straight" cruise, there's always a "Friends of Dorothy" happy hour.  You can always find the gays at the martini bar or sauna if you don't know where to look. 

How romantic?

Defense of Gay Promiscuity in the Age of Marriage Equality and Truvada (a rant)

American style puritanism bubbles up in all kinds places. Who would've thought that the gay community is anguishing over a new tool to prevent HIV infection.  For those of you who don't know, a new drug named Truvada, if taken according to a doctor's orders, will reduce the rate of HIV infection by 95%.  The regimen, known as Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PreP), is a once daily pill.  The idea of PreP is angering AIDS activists, public health officials and busybodies everywhere.  All three groups believe that gay men will become whores and sluts if they take this pill. 

AIDS activists tend to be angry by nature, so to see them upset at any new pharmaceutical breakthrough in the HIV epidemic is to be understood. They tend to meet pharmaceutical "wonder drugs" with a healthy dose of skepticism. Big Government dragged its feet in the early part of the epidemic, Big Pharma cashed in with wonder drugs that saved millions of lives. While wiping out plenty of (gay) guinea pigs in the process.  The high price of those drugs were mostly subsidized by Americans in the form of the Ryam White Care act and high costs to insurers for HIV meds.  Big pharmaceutical companies did very well during this epidemic, and I'm sure they'll do well in the next one.  In my opinion AIDS activists always fear that a preemptive cure, like a vaccine, will leave them to rot on the vine, like polio victims after a vaccine was invented. 

Public Health Officials bemoan the failures of behavior modification programs, to help gay men reduce their risk......by giving up sex altogether.  I was once approached by a group of CDC researchers who asked me "what can we do to get gay men to stop having sex?"  It was a serious question, brought up by serious men, who thought there could be a cure through some magic behavior change therapy.  Sadly, 500,000 deaths show that not even the threat of death can make people give up that intrinsically human activity of sex. I totally get why the public health establishment is worried. Once more the "medical model" has trumped the failure of public health in the late 20th century. Behavior modification attempts around issues such as diabetes, and HIV have been dismal failures with 1 in 11 Americans with diabetes and over two million estimated infected with HIV.  In my opinion the enitre Public Health Establishment should do some serious soul searching on its giant failures in keeping this nation healthy. 

Finally the busybodies, who really piss me off.   First I'd like to say "fuck you" to any busybody who bemoans "a return to promiscuity" by gay men who take Truvada.  I'd like to say "fuck you" to anyone who thinks that insurance companies should not cover it. A prevention pill a day, is still cheaper than an HIV infection.  This idea that gay men can use a pill to control a fear, to make sex healthier, more enjoyable and less anxiety ridden is anathema to them. This is the exact same argument used against women who take birth control.   This idea to bemoan a hedonistic orgy for those on Truvada is sad and counter productive. Firstly, sex never went away despite declining condom use and increasing HIV infections. Sorry busybodies, there were gay orgies before, during and probably after the HIV epidemic. I remember the busybodies upset that ads for HIV regimens made people look too "healthy" and "active" and carefree and not portray HIV positive men as sickly victims.  These are the sex shamers, who feel the purpose of sex should be to make your long-term monogamous relationship better or whatever.  The ones who are ashamed to use the term anal sex and admit in same sentence that it feels awesomely good for all involved. So against promiscuity? then shut down GRNDR, bathhouses and sex clubs. Start some kind of sex police. The busybody's idea that "promiscuity" in gay men is so wrong, because gay men should be like our daughters? What is the actually number of sexual partners that define promiscuous?  More than one or less than 1000?  

To wrap it all up. I think Truvada is just one more tool that gay men can use to prevent HIV. It's advantages are as follows:

1. It forces gay men to have a conversation with a Doctor or Medical practitioner about HIV risk.

2. It encourages testing for HIV, because no doctor or Medical practitioner would prescribe Truvada without an HIV test first.

3. If a person is tested for HIV and is positive, they can get into treatment and hopefully reduce the spread if they are responsible, or if they're undetectable the likelihood of transmission is reduced if they continue unsafe behaviors. 

4. Finally any extra tool in the prevention arsenal is a good thing. 

Bad Gays vs. Good Gays. The New Gay Fundamentalism

There was a time in the recent past when a "Bad Gay" was someone who perhaps didn't know who Cher was, or perhaps wore white pants two weeks after Labor Day.  Someone who was oblivious of the difference between a Mid-Century Modern, eclectic and just plain tacky.  Perhaps a gay that might wear last season's fashions, but without being ironic.

Today's "Bad Gay" is the gay that refuses to accept the new "Gay Fundamentalism". What is gay fundamentalism?  It's a combination of failed public health policy, sex shaming, body shaming bundled up with traditional gay marriage and practiced with the religious fervor of a Talibani.  It's about ensuring that if one person is not happy with the state of the gay world, nobody should be happy. It's about limiting personal choices about sex, protection, relationships and who should get good sex and who shouldn't.  You can see how the new morality plays out on episodes of HBO's "Looking" and in the incoherent rants in the comment sections on articles about Truvada.  http://www.out.com/news-opinion/2013/07/24/michael-lucas-comes-out-hiv-negative-sexually-active-man-prep

First let's encapsulate the new "gay fundies" commandments:

1. Your sole goal as a gay man should be to find a husband and get married, legally.  

2. You must be monogamous for life, because it works so well for straight people. 

3.Condoms every time you have sex for the rest of your life, even if you hate them.

4. Dating not hook-ups.  (at least say you're dating and then don't put a face pic on GRNDR).

5. Don't ever consider any new breakthroughs in HIV prevention, like Truvada (more effective than condoms in preventing HIV) because that means you're having sex for fun, not for the purpose of securing a relationship.(see #2)

6. Sex for fun is BAD! Sex should only be for the purpose of commandment #1.

7. "Bottom Shame" Never, ever admit you're a bottom.  If you are, always say it hurts...so much...and  say "ouch take it out."

8. If you're in a relationship and have a threesome, it means the relationship is fundamentally flawed and loveless. 

9. You are now a "person of size" and that's OK....but thin and muscular guys have to respect that and have sex with you or you'll whine that gym rats are only into each other. 

10. "Straight Acting only" Shun and deny any "feminine" qualities in yourself and other men. Refuse to be seen with a man with "feminine" qualities and say things like: "gurrrrl, she is such a nelly, not a butch top like me."
11. Thou shalt not be a gay Republican.
12. Say things like "I'm not THAT kind of gay, I'd never go to a Gay Pride Parade."

Obviously "Bad Gays" break these rules and are open to ridicule.  Shunning, cyber bullying, sex shaming occur to men who don't talk the talk or sashay the walk. There is a way to be gay and of course anyone who wants something other than a healthy happy long term relationship with a dog and two children is just wrong.  How dare you concentrate on career and fun before marriage? How dare you enjoy your body for yourself before giving it over, forever to that one perfect man for life.  How dare you be single and 40 and happy? How dare you enjoy being the receptive partner in anal sex, and do it with Truvada and not a condom? How dare a married gay couples go on a gay cruise and "play around" consensually with other adults?  You are all bad gays.

All those "bad gays" make the "good gays" look bad in the eyes of straight people, who don't want to be reminded that gay men are really a lot different than straight men, lesbians and women.

White, thin, "straight acting", top...