Monday, July 29, 2013

Gay Gold Diggers....

Come and spend some time with me.
In the last weeks the term "gold digger" has come up in more than one casual conversation with different friends. Wikipedia defines it as a greedy person (stereotypically a woman) who only dates (and subsequently marries) wealthy partners with the (typically) sole intention of being a beneficiary of said wealth.  However, prior to last month, the term really had little currency in the gay community because you couldn't exactly "put a ring on it" so to speak. So any gold dug from the pockets of a gay person was probably given freely and more likely an exchange of goods and services, than say, the extortion of wealth caused by divorce. The only gay equivalent I could think of would be that of a "size queen".  The term size queen is slang for a gay or bisexual man who prefers his partners to be extremely well endowed. Now if that is not a form of greed I don't know what is. 
But I really have trouble with the term gold digger as it relays to same sex couples...and not just because of its pejorative connotation. Firstly, I might be considered a gold-digger, or my husband might. When we met in our late 20's I was earning three times his salary, now in our mid 40's he makes three times mine. At some point I became a "gold digger" especially since I took time off from my career to raise our son. Despite my solidly upper middle-class salary, it's very unlikely with my B.A. and general lack of professional motivation that I'll ever make as much as my workaholic husband who has a degree in Nuclear Chemical Engineering. We're fine with that. He's fine if I don't work at all...although I do. As I said to a friend the other day: "If I wanted to focus on my career, I would have stayed single."
If you're rich I'm single.....
So why is it when a guy who makes enough money to live on (whatever that may be) is not worthy of a someone making a very good living. As a member of the upper-middle class (through marriage and blood only) I tend to associate myself with other members of the bourgeoisie. My single lawyer and doctor friends bemoan the fact that they can't find "professional guys" who "make as much as I do." .  So don't. What's wrong with a guy who makes no money and makes you and your relationship a career? Somebody who supports you  in your personal and professional life? Someone like a wife? I have a friend who easily makes $400,000 a year and was concerned that his live-in boyfriend was unemployed. Who cares? He was concerned about appearances, that he was being taken advantage of. If his live-in had been a woman I doubt he would have had the same concerns.
This hand-wringing over what someone makes, as opposed to who a person is, is silly.  Really, if you're making six figures and your boyfriend is making $20K is your lifestyle going to suffer? Wouldn't it be nice to come home to someone who is not stressed about work, but worried that your dinner isn't ready on time? This instant labeling of "gold-digger" because you found someone who fits into your lifestyle.  Now I'm not saying there aren't real "gold-diggers" out there, because there are greedy people. However, gold diggers are not any different than size queens......and trust me you can always work harder, there's not much you can do about a small penis.