As I venture deeper into my 40's, surprisingly I'm finding myself befriending people of all ages, both young and old. Yet in my soul there are things that I want to say to my friends who are under 29 who are really just starting out on life's wonderful journey. I find that at this point of life they ask me for sage advice, but more often than not I am just willing to blurt it out. Whether it's fashion tips, life lessons or just a quick reality check I want to impart some of the things that have helped me along the way.
1. The best piece of advice my Mother ever gave me: buy (and pay a little extra) for classic looks. Penny loafers, khakis, white dress shirts, a blue blazer, and a pair of Levis will go a lot farther, and get you into more interesting places than any of the latest fashions. Remember to wear undershirts too!
2. Stop dating the person who you want to be. If all of your boyfriends are of a similar "type", ask yourself why. Is it because you find those qualities attractive, or because you find them lacking in yourself?
3. Create your "real" family. Whether it's your parents, siblings, or friends(old or new) now is the time to redefine those relationships as an adult. These are the people who you will probably be sharing the rest of your life with. Tell them how you feel and set the rules on how you want to be treated.
4. Don't forget the you're only young once, remind yourself that you will never be handsomer, healthier and more carefree than you are right now.
5. Sleep around, have fun and practice safe sex.
6. Remember there are no "official" rules for gay relationships....yet. Feel free to test the boundaries of your relationships with love and lot's of communication. Two men together doesn't have to look the same as a man and a woman together.
7. As a gay man all options are open to you now, you can be a father, a stay at home parent, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or all three. There's no need to feel limited anymore, you can have it all......but probably not all at the same time.
8. Learn about the gay struggle. Learn that we were once prosecuted, imprisoned, hospitalized, murdered, blackmailed, and marginalized for who we are. In many places we still are.
9. Live in a gay ghetto for at least six months or your life, it can be very affirming, then not so much.
10. Try to nurture friendships with non-gay people. It can be hard. When gay people meet each other, there's so much that just doesn't need to be explained, an instant comfort. It's not always the same with people unlike ourselves, give them a chance, they will surprise you.
Oh yeah, to the young man who asked for advice that got me thinking about all of this: relax and use a lot of lube.
Make that video!
ReplyDeleteSleep around? Really?
ReplyDeleteYou advise guys not to date the person they want to be. Doesn't that logically extend to striving toward BEING the kind of person they would want to date?
Whether they would admit it openly or not, more people prefer partners with a history of fewer sexual partners as opposed to more.
If young guys make it their goal to sleep around, they stand a chance of making themselves less attractive and viable to the partners they truly seek.
Sexual activity is cumulative. You cannot make it less than it actually is without lying. KNOW THAT, GUYS. When you "sleep around", you BECOME "That guy who sleeps around."
Miami After 40 Replies:
ReplyDeleteFirstly, how many sexual partners somebody has is their business alone.
Secondly, how exactly is "sleeping around" making someone less attractive, worthy of love or affection? What number of male partners makes someone officially "unattractive"?
So the sweet man who has had 10 partners last year, who has a great job, funny, interesting, great looks is an "ugly slut" now? No longer worthy of having a boyfriend?
Does "slut" wear off? Or is he damaged good for life?
Or better yet let's he's kept himself "pure" for whom? How is he more attractive? Or is he creepy for just having none, or one partner?"
Who is anyone to judge somebody else's sexual decisions and then turn around a label them "that guy who sleeps around" because only he knows that not you.
I see your view as heteronormalist, shaming and Victorian. Good luck dating....I hope all your partners tell you how many partners they have before you decide they're worthy of you.
KNOW THAT if you date a guy who wants your sexual resume, he's probably not worth your time. He's making a lot of other judgements about you and other people that he has no business doing.