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Friday, May 20, 2011

Judgement Day 2011: Jesus Will See You Now.

Ok, so supposedly tomorrow the chosen will ascend into heaven and the rest of us will be left behind with the scraps that the pious ones have left behind.  Since, counter to popular opinion, Church goers tend to be wealthier, better educated and better situated than their non-church going brethren, I am sure there will nice swag left behind.   Jesus will come to each one of them at 6:00PM local time, tap them on the shoulder and say: "it's time to go to a better place."  He might even offer a cup of Kool-Aid to hurry along the process.  I mean you probably don't want to get Raptured on an empty stomach.

I've talked to my Atheist friends and they've agreed to take care of the dog should I be chosen for Rapture.  She'll have the key to the place, I've asked her to just leave everything unlocked, the bank can repossess the car and the house.  Sorry folks, the place is underwater and the new BMW convertible is a lease. (see previous blog) I just had the Saab waxed...it's paid for. 

So I'm ready for the Rapture now.  Today I had my teeth cleaned....(clean mouth, clean soul) and I cut my hair yesterday....shorter is more aerodynamic for flying.  I was told I would have to leave all my "baggage" behind, not sure if that was metaphorical or not, but a carry-on roller bag would be nice.

Last Day Plans:  going to swim, Costco(cooking for last supper) and a party.  Come on Rapture!